The Crazy Story of Randomness
by CrazyOnTheLoose
Summary: What happens when an insane girl takes Harry Potter characters to the Star Wars world?
1. The Missing Bacon

**Author's Note:**

**Flare: Yo! This is my first fanfic!!! If it's horrible and you hate it, don't kill me. I am trained in the ancient art of PANCAKES!!! FEAR ME!!!**

**By the way, I don't own Harry Potter, Star Wars, or bacon. Well, actually I do own bacon, since I've eaten it before... nevermind.**

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It had been breakfast at the Great Hall. Everyone was perfectly fine, until a small first year had noticed that something was missing. The bacon.

There was never a breakfast that was right without bacon at Hogwarts. Everyone knew that. Bacon was awesome, better than porridge, awesome, MUCH better than Slytherins, awesome, tastier than sausages, awesome, crispy, awesome, and awesome.

"WE WANT BACON! WE WANT BACON!!!" a mob had started forming at the fruit painting where the kitchen was. Clearly, Fred and George had tipped everyone off about where the house elves did their work. The mob grew steadily bigger of not only students, but teachers yelling for their lost bacon this morning, all their hopes and dreams of biting into the oh so perfect bacon, the taste filling their mouth…

Suddenly, there was a loud crack. A girl with long dark brown hair appeared right in front of them, grinning hugely. Momentarily distracted by a girl suddenly appearing in their midst, everyone went quiet.

"But you can't apparate in and out of Hogwarts!" Hermione whispered. Ron looked dumbfounded.

"Really?"

"Yes, A History of Magic was one of our _first year _textbooks, Ron! Don't tell me you haven't ever read it before!"

"One, two three, testing!" The girl spoke into her wand. It came out as a high, squeaky sound. "CHIPMUNK VOICE!!!" The girl cheered.

"Okay. I assume you all want your bacon." She said, her magnified chipmunk voice booming through the hallway. "Anyone heard of Star Wars?"

Nobody raised their hand.

"Ah, come on." The girl sighed. "Okay, Star Wars is probably one of the most awesome things there are." Her voice suddenly grew sad. "But… the SITH STOLE OUR BACON!!!"

Dumbledore, Harry, and Snape all yelled a war cry. The girl joined in, and continued for a few minutes until she stopped to draw breath. Her voice drowned out all the others. They stood there for almost half an hour until she stopped.

"Right. So I will take a few people to the Star Wars galaxy-aka, the realm of the protein cubes-to torture random people, and to get our bacon back! Unfortunately, I can't take all of you, sorry guys. So everyone up against the wall!" she thought for a moment. "By the way, I'm Flare. And I like candy. Candy is good. Candy is sweet. Candy is awesome. Candy is yummy. And most of all, candy is-"

"Get on with it!" Ron yelled.

There was a clattering of people smacking the wall with their backs. Everyone seemed extremely enthusiastic about fighting for bacon. Ah, well.

"Harry! Ron! Hermione! Snape! And Dumbledore! And Fred and George. I mean George and Fred. I mean-" Flare groaned. "Nevermind. So hop aboard, and let's go!" She pointed to a random speeder that had just appeared with a pop and dove in, head first.

Her head hit the gas pedal.

"Ow!"

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**Flare: Please PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Or else.... kekekekekeke... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA-*ahem***


	2. Starbucks and Speeders

**Author's Note:**

**Flare: Sooo... Chapter 2! YAY! By the way, Karee is actually wynnewong in disguise. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, Harry Potter, a GPS, Starbucks, street lamps, Karee, or the other stuff I don't own that I forgot to mention.**

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The bright rainbow speeder cruised across the sky ziggzaggedly. Flare really had no idea how to pilot it-she had thrown the handbook somewhere in her closet with the candy wrappers, cat hair, batteries, wooden ostriches, bits of fish and cabbage she hadn't wanted to eat from dinner, and other pieces of junk. The poor speeder dipped and rolled, the engines whining and making strange noisesa. Every now and then, Flare would turn to glare at the side of the speeder out the side of the window.

"Stop farting!"

Meanwhile, inside, Snape was scrambling to climb onto the seat, out of the huge sinking mess. Ron was stretched across the middle of the backseat, so there was barely room for Harry and Hermione.

"Do you have _any_ place to sit at all? That's not covered by this unseemly junk?" Snape panted as his foot sank into a giant jello container filled with dirt and dark blue noodles. He had been scrambling for more than twenty minutes, trying to find a solid footing. Finally, he found refuge on top of a half-buried porta-potty. Flare was mumbling to herself.

"I can't use this stupid GPS!" She grabbed the tiny screen and shook it wildly. The speeder flipped and zoomed forward, barely missing a chimney. There was an annoyed yell somewhere beneath the junk. Snape jumped and fell onto a huge half-eaten corn. The porta-potty rattled a few moments, and then stopped. Then it started shaking. The occupant inside let out a few more yells, as well as an expected, "DOBBY'S SOCK!!!"

Finally, the top of the bright blue porta-potty burst open. A dark haired girl burst forth, her hair rather disheveled.

"You evil imbecile! How dare you stand upon the holy porta-potty of insanely insane grilled cheese sandwiches and chicken feet? You dishonor the name of all the parrots who have set foot in this porta-potty, stupid or not, ugly or not, evil or not, bunnies or not, TOMATO SOUP OR NOT!" the girl paused for breath. Suddenly her eyes went dreamy. "Mmmm, tomato soup…"

"OOH!" Flare suddenly sat up and twisted completely around in her seat, letting go of the controls again. The plane dipped and swerved. "TOMATO SOUP!!!"

"Who are you?" Harry and Hermione asked at the same time. Dumbledore yawned and sucked on a lemon drop.

"I'm Karee!" the girl pointed at Snape. "And, you, evil imbecile, shall not know of my real name, because—"

"That's personal information she's not allowed to reveal to strangers!" Flare cut in.

"Control the plane! Ten points from Gryffindor!" Snape snapped at Flare. Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Karee all rolled their eyes. "_Thanks_, Flare."

"You're welcome!" Flare sat back, letting Snape control the plane. "Anyone up for Starbucks? Lately, I've dropped in my hyper rushes. I've almost had moments of full sanity." Flare gasped dramatically. Karee ran in circles, bouncing on Dumbledore's wizard hat and flinging wet, yogurt-soaked socks at the back of Snape's head, where a giant (invisible) dart board had been hung.

The plane dropped steeply. A bag of half-eaten chips dropped from the ceiling. Flare jumped back into the driver's seat, kicking Snape out. The plane went into a steep, straight down dive, and plummeted toward the roof of the nearest Starbucks. Flare cackled in excitement.

"WHEEEEEEE!"

"If this is what she's like when she's sane, I don't want to see her when she's actually _insane_." Snape muttered as Flare kicked him out of the driver's seat.

"CAFFEINE, HERE I COME!" Flare screamed wildly. The speeder crashed fully through the roof of Starbucks. There was screaming inside. Flare jumped out of the speeder and bounced up to the counter.

"I would like two super huge cups of strawberries and cream, five iced cappuccinos, a tub of whipped cream, all your chocolate muffins, and this cinnamon pack thingy." Flare ordered. "Oh, and I have a bunch of coupons here."

She ran back to the speeder, rummaged in the trunk, and triumphantly pulled out a huge wad of coupons. She had bewitched them so that they would never expire. The counter person gawked at her coupons, then hurried to grab the things.

A moment later, the speeder had soared off through the hole in the ceiling again.

"Uh oh." Snape muttered as Flare popped open one of the cappuccinos and gulped it down.

There was silence for a moment. Then Flare started shaking crazily.

"AHHH! SPARKLY!" Flare pointed at a street lamp, and the whole speeder shot down toward the street. "SPARKLY!" Flare cheered as she knocked the whole lamp down with a random bouncy ball that had just dropped out of the speeder. "DIE, SPARKLY!" cackling, Flare proceeded to knock down all the street lamps on the street Then she turned the nose of the speeder up and flew through the atmosphere. Meanwhile, Flare was chanting the names of random Pokemon.

"Rhydon, Gastrodon, Niqoqueen, Remoraid, Giratina, Sceptile..."

Snape sighed and put his head in his hands. This was going to be a very long day.

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**So... did you like it? PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


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